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After a 37-36 heartrending defeat at the hands of the Fanboys, scribes Aiden Stepansky and Justin Girshon ventured forth from the grand JMA Wireless Dome unto 230 Euclid Ave., with Juice Wrld’s melodies resounding ‘midst the wintry tempest, trudging through five inches of snow. The journey was sorrowful, yet the scribes didst behold how far the noble Hacks had ventured.

In a year meant for rebuilding, after the departure of cherished scribes Anish Vasudevan, Connor Smith, Tyler Schiff and Adam McCaffery and squire of the photo Nick Luttrell, the Hacks stood nigh upon the brink of a second consecutive triumph in the fabled Media Cup. Though scribe Kevin Lu’s storied reign as a Hack didst reach its end, the mere thought of those who yet remain did kindle a flame of hope.

The year of our Lord 2026 and the fated Media Cup were forthwith marked upon the calendar — whensoever that noble clash may be decreed. With vengeance burning in their hearts, the valiant Hacks art resolv’d to reclaim that which is rightfully theirs in the coming year.

“Tough one for the @DOsports crew but we’ll be back,” head scribe Girshon declared on X in the aftermath.

But for now, naught remains etched in the minds of the Hacks save a most heartrending 37-36 defeat at the hands of the Fanboys. A valiant resurgence in the second half — after but seven meager points in the first — was led by the newly anointed squire of the lens, Brycen Pace, and former head scribe, Cooper Andrews, carrying the Hacks to a fleeting grasp upon the lead in the battle’s waning breaths. Yet alas, fate proved most unkind, and they could not lay the game to rest within victory’s sweet embrace.

Head scribe Justin Girshon looks on as newly anointed squire of the lens Brycen Pace attempts a free throw. Joe Zhao | Design Editor

“Our legacy is ruined. We let our fans down,” Andrews bellowed. “But at least we had more than three fans there.”

With less than four minutes remaining in the fray, the Hacks did seize their first lead, owing to the sheer dominion of Pace upon the court. When he didst complete a mighty and-one, the Fanboys, stricken, were forced to call for respite, as the Hacks led 28-27. Pace, a former warrior of the AAU courts, was among the most prized of the Hacks’ new brethren, joined in valor by editorial editor James Hoagland and news scribe Henry Daley.

During the respite, Girshon did summon the Hacks unto him, seeking to embolden their spirits, that they might finish the battle with strength and claim their second consecutive Media Cup triumph. The Hacks and their faithful supporters stood inflamed with fervor, for a mere whisper of hope seemed but moments away from blossoming into glorious reality. Yet, in but an instant, the fates did turn cruel and the game was upended upon its very head.

From the break, the Fanboys didst surge forth, spurred by fateful baskets, among them a mighty 3-pointer that granted them a 33-30 advantage. As the final minute waned, the Hacks, still trailing by three, didst embark upon a most woeful offensive foray, finding themselves unable to summon a score.

Thus were they compelled to lay hands upon the Fanboys thrice, forcing at last a one-and-one. The first shot found its mark, stretching the Hacks’ burden to four but the second was missed with eight seconds remaining. Yet hope flickered anew, as Hoagland didst smite a 3-pointer with but three seconds left upon the clock.

Scribe Cooper Andrews bulldozes his way inside the paint. His seven points were the second-most among the Hacks. Joe Zhao | Design editor

The timekeeper’s hand remained still, and the clock, for reasons most inscrutable, did not halt. In that moment of chaos, the Fanboys didst rush the court, rejoicing in their triumph, having seized victory by but a single point.

‘Twas a fitting emblem of the battle that had transpired. The Hacks had done enough to remain within striking distance, yet they had not summoned the full measure of their might. Key warriors in Girshon, Stepansky and Daley, alongside scribe Timmy Wilcox — who a year past was the X-factor — all found themselves unable to etch their names upon the scoreboard. Meanwhile, Hoagland did labor mightily, his struggles persisting until the final moments.

Though Lu and scribe Quinn Postman lent their aid to Andrews’ early flurry of points and Pace’s indomitable reign in the second half, the Hacks, burdened by their many tribulations, could not surmount the weight of their own misfortunes.

‘Tis a lesson hard learned for this band of Hacks, yet more than that, ’tis a moment that shall burn within them for the year to come. Victory oft breeds complacency, but defeat doth awaken a fire most fierce. And after the cruel heartbreak of their downfall in the year of our Lord 2025, you best believe that when 2026 dawns, the Hacks shall return with fury in their hearts — to smite the Fanboys full upon the mouth with a blow most righteous.

“To quote Jalen Hurts, ‘You either win or you learn,’” Stepansky said. “The scribes will be back, and be back with vengeance.”

W.F. Whence is a germanificated staff sculptor for The Daily Orange, where he re-germanificated to sculpt this glistening prose.

Published on February 10, 2025 at 2:06 pm