As much as it hurt, I officially ended my first relationship last weekend. The 10,000-mile distance further complicated an already intricate situation that could not be salvaged. Life goes on nonetheless.

During this time, I naturally chose to reach out to my peers for advice and moral support. Even my newly-found Singaporean friends comforted me with their kind words.

“Enjoy your time here. Don’t worry about some silly girl in the States,” one classmate said.

He’s right about one thing — why agonize over someone who lives 13 hours away from me when I should be having the time of my life? Then, without even thinking, I casually used the pronoun “he” in place of “she,” and I was interrupted midsentence.

“He as in a guy? So, that means you’re…?”

This is the part where eyebrows were raised and silence ensued. It was merely the beginning of an uncomfortable conversation — one that tends to be slightly taboo in these parts.

Being openly gay was perhaps my greatest fear before coming to this country. After reading online about the historical criminalization of homosexuality, I thought I was making a rather self-defeating choice. But it’s not as bad as I had imagined.

While homosexuality is somewhat under wraps in Singapore, it’s not illegal for two men or women to be in relationship. Yet there is ultimately no gay culture here. It’s neither overwhelmingly stigmatized nor exalted. Sure, you’ll find a gay bar, a gay dance club, gay-themed shops and restaurants, and even some of the underground saunas in Chinatown, but forget about pride parades, transgender bathrooms and LGBT community centers. Singapore is just not ready for that.

Still, speaking about anything related to non-heteronormativity is certainly a slippery slope, hence the surprised and often speechless reactions. Numerous locals have told me that I’m the first gay person they have ever met. My roommate was beyond tongue-tied, claiming he could never in a million years envision having our talk with his parents out of total embarrassment.

In Singapore, if you happen to be LGBT, it’s something you usually refrain from sharing with others. Although I have met exceptionally few gay people living in Singapore, I tend to ask my friends to introduce me to the ones they do know. Most are only familiar with gay women, since this is much more common. However, I recently had the opportunity to speak with one student at my exchange university.

This 23-year-old, 6-foot-2 basketball player said he would never tell his parents he is gay. He fears his father would kick him out of the house, inform his extended relatives and remove him from the family will — all legitimate concerns. During our chat, he was practically in tears while recounting tales from his days as a serviceman.

From what I’ve gather while abroad, much of the disdain toward gay men stems from National Service, a mandatory two-year period where Singaporean men serve in the Armed Force, the Police Force or the Defense Force. This pressure to put on a manly show leads to self-hatred. Combine that sentiment with traditional Chinese values and there you have it — thousands of closeted gay and bisexual men.

Last year, the highest court upheld the constitutionality of Section 377(a) of Singapore’s penal code, which forbids acts of “gross indecency” between two men.

But conditions are slowly improving for local LGBT people. There has even been a gay rally held every summer since 2009 in Hong Lim Park, known as Pink Dot SG, where participants come dressed in pink. To commemorate the occasion, an aerial photo is taken of all attendees gathered to form a giant pink dot, which grows every year, in support of LGBT inclusiveness. Of course it comes with protest, such as some religious groups who come wearing white shirts to represent piety. Nevertheless, this is one day of the year when LGBT people feel free to be themselves.

For a country turning 50 years old this summer, there is a lot of work to do here. It will get better.

Zachary Gipson is a senior majoring in economics and linguistics. He is striving to fit in with the fast-paced locals of Singapore. To chat about life abroad, shoot him an email at ztgipson@syr.edu.

Published on February 10, 2015 at 12:01 am